8 Ways to Help Create a Healthy Work-Life Balance

If you don’t know by now, two years ago, after teaching for six years I decided to quit. My decision was based on a large mix of FOMO, or fear of missing out on some of the dreams I never gave myself the opportunity to pursue. Next, there was the extreme burn-out. I was tired and there was no amount of napping or time off that could fix it. Lastly, feeling unappreciated in the profession. I felt like I was doing awesome work, and no one cared. I soon realized that wasn’t true. After my brief hiatus and giving myself the things and time I needed to be better, I’m back in the classroom. At my old campus to be exact! I’m back after the end of the 1st semester completely transformed from the way I used to work to give you some insight oh how I’ve created a better work life balance by using these 8 steps and how you can too.

Back in my element.

1. Go Home On Time! – I really used to think I was doing something by taking my little “look I’m the last one in the parking lot” pictures. It would be me and the custodial staff. Now that I think back I think it had a lot to do with the fact that I was never really alone throughout the day to get any real work done. Once it was finally time for my planning period so many of my coworkers would want to come and visit, I had errands around the building to run, going to get food, or just chilling because I wanted to actually enjoy my break. After school I had to coach so I wouldn’t actually be alone and distraction free until around 5:30 or 6. Since then I’ve learned to tell my coworkers right now isn’t a good time and prioritize tasks and give them a time limit once planning period comes. I’ve also told myself I can relax at home and feel guilt free about it if I actually get my tasks done for the day. Only chill if all your tasks are complete! I also don’t coach anymore. I’m not completely sure if I’m done forever but for now I’m trying to ease my way back into this. Iykyk. I said all that to say manage your time wisely during the day and whatever you didn’t get done throughout the day will in fact be there tomorrow. You do not get an award for staying at the work the latest and it’s honestly now safe.

February 2018

2.     Use Your Days- I had a moment in September which was way ahead of schedule because I typically have these moments in October lol. The burn out and overwhelming feeling came down on me heavy sooner than I expected. I was in a space where I was placing unrealistic expectations on myself. I just wanted to do everything right and prove to myself that I was coming in killing it. No time for mistakes! This day in particular after I was walking down the hallway with defeat all over my face, my principal spotted me and insisted we talk about it. After that impromptu conversation about slowing down, giving myself grace, and not being too hard on myself he made it clear that I should not feel guilty about missing a day or two to get your mind right, and so I took my first day. I love him for that! I took my day and the world didn’t end and the school didn’t have to shut down because I wasn’t there. Those are just a couple of intrusive thoughts that I’ve made myself crazy with in the past. I said all that to say, if you need a day, take a day. That’s what they’re there for.

3.     Say No to the Things You’re Not Obligated to Say Yes to- I’ve said this before in my most recent blog post actually that I would get mad at people for asking me to do things I didn’t have the capacity to do when all I had to do was say no! I’ve learned and I’ve practiced and I’m a “No” machine! Lol! I no longer feel guilty for not taking on tasks that I don’t either have the time or capacity for. I would always feel like if I didn’t do it, it wouldn’t get done and I would ruin whatever it is they were trying to do. That isn’t the case at all. You know what the actual truth is? They’ll get somebody else to do it or do it themselves. I no longer take other people’s problems on as my own and I said all that to say, you shouldn’t either.

4.     Do Your Hobbies- I recently got into yarn art. There was a trend going around where people were DIY’ing their shoes with yarn and as weird as it sounds, it was actually pretty cool. I went out and bought yarn with the intention of doing the same but when I got home I changed my mind and went with a canvas piece instead. It was so much fun to make and incredibly beautiful once I was finished. Tell me why a hint of guilt tried to creep in!? Here I was AGAIN with yet another new collection of things that I may only use a few times. I quickly snapped out of it and didn’t care. If it’s something I currently enjoy and it isn’t hurting anyone I’m going to keep doing it. It’s also perfectly fine if my interests change over time. I said all that to say that you should too. Make more time for the things you enjoy. I honestly believe your mental health depends on it. Imbed these things into your schedule as priorities so your “you time” begins to be a priority and not something you just so happen to get to do.

5.     Hang Out-  Can you believe I hung out on a Thursday evening until 12am like I was in college recently?(not pictured) Well, let me clear some things up first. It was a testing week so there was no teaching going on the next day and I still woke up in time the next morning. Now that that’s out the way lol, it doesn’t have to be during your work week or even every weekend. I know sometimes the first thing I want to do when the weekend hits is get in the bed and not get up until Sunday. I’ve found that saying yes to a few invitations here and there have rejuvenated me more than a second nap of the day would have. Being with friends, family, and significant others really has the power to recharge you and take your mind off your daily, sometimes mundane tasks. I said all that to say get out sometimes even if it’s by yourself. Don’t get stuck in the pattern of being a weekend Couch Potato. Go outside!

My favorite friends turned family.

6.     Stop Taking Work Home- This one ties in with number one. If you use the time that you’re allotted at work to plan and get things done wisely, there will be no need to take things home. I seriously struggle with my time management and not being so easily distracted so this isn’t as easy for me but I’m a work in progress. There’s only so much time you get outside of work anyway. Why use it doing more work? There is no award for taking work home and working more unpaid hours. I said all that to say, let work be work and home be home.

7.     Delegate Tasks Where You Can- Ask for help! When I say I’ve struggled for so long in this department because of the fear of being let down, rejection, or just hyper independence which I know are some sort of trauma response, but we won’t get into that right now chile. I heard a lady on Tik Tok the other day say that her teenage daughter challenged her to think of it as utilizing your resources in times of need rather than a plea for help. When you look at it that way it takes the pressure off of hearing no. Just utilize another resource until you get a yes. When I have a bunch to do I utilize students. They are always eager to help out once they’re done with their work. Let them! Separating supplies and organizing is at the top of their list lol. I said all that that to say you’re not a super hero and cannot do it all alone. We need help sometimes and it’s ok to ask for it.

8.     REST!-  that’s it, that’s the post. No seriously. The notion that you can rest when you die is not healthy. I’d like to honestly say it’s dumb. A consistent lack of sleep and rest can ruin your physical and mental health. It can cause you to suffer from things like stress, anxiety, weight gain, and more. Overall you lose the quality of productivity you could possibly have throughout the work day so that you could actually go home on time, and use your days when you really need them, and have the right mind to say no to things that you’re not obligated to do, and make time for your hobbies, and hang out after work or the weekends because you didn’t take your work home and asked others for help when you needed it! You see what I did there? Lol.

I hope this list was helpful and that you make time to balance all the things on your plate. It’s do-able. I believe in you!

How I stopped People Pleasing

I heard someone say “If you’re an EMPATH then you’re probably also a PEOPLE PLEASER, & if you’re a people pleaser then you’re also probably a PERFECTIONIST & if you’re a perfectionist then you probably also PROCRASTINATE & if you procrastinate then you probably also SELF SABOTAGE, & if you self sabotage then you probably also have a FEAR OF REJECTION.” I was this person for so long I didn’t realize there was any other way to be. When you recognize a problem & you literally can’t stand to live that way you have to change. What I’ve been practicing is 

1. listening without absorbing other peoples problems as my own. It’s too heavy. The word of the day is BOUNDARIES.

2. I’ve learned to say NO! I would get so mad if someone asked me to do something when I didn’t have the capacity. Not because they asked, but because I was too afraid to upset them with a no. Ultimately putting my needs last.

3. Next I had the attitude that if something isn’t going to be “perfect” why do it? If it’s not beautiful enough, clever enough, impactful enough it’s a waste of time. Everything I did had to be meaningful. I’ve used the activity of making “fun art” to get me out of this space. Creating just for the hell of it.

4. If you could get paid for making lists I’d be a billionaire! I said “Jas, you actually have to DO the stuff!” The time I would spend over thinking the outcome I could’ve easily used that time to complete said tasks. I’ve literally been making lists about my coloring book since 2016. I’m not done, stay with me.

5. I would make so many excuses as to why I couldn’t do something but they were honestly lies I was making myself believe out of fear of messing up. As the old people say, “there isn’t one way to skin a cat.” I learned to just do the thing anyway.

6. I’ve learned that instead of being afraid of rejection, embrace that who you are and what you offer isn’t for everyone. The world doesn’t end when you hear no.

I’m still a work in progress but you couldn’t pay me to stay that way. I’m loving the other side.

How I Knew It Was Time to Quit Teaching

There comes a time in everyones life when they know their time in a space, place, or relationship has expired. For me it was my 6th year teaching middle school art when I finally admitted to myself that I couldn’t do it anymore.

A little bit of back story if you’re new here. I started off in undergrad studying to become a filmmaker more specifically a writer/director and to do so I had to major in Art. We’ll get back to that part in a minute. I excelled very quickly within the program. I wrote and directed a feature film my Sophomore year. This opportunity had only ever been given to graduate students. I was also the first woman and black person. I was lit! Buuut, surprisingly it wasn't giving what I assumed it was supposed to give. I grew up watching 106th and Park, TRL, Access Granted, etc and as a music loving kid who’s second language was writing, it was only right that I became a music video director. I decided this for myself in the 8th grade and rode with it until I made it to college. I was able to achieve all those major accomplishments early and it left me feeling unsatisfied because I thought I’d actually enjoy it more. I just didn’t.

Remember I mentioned having to major in art? Well, with that came taking actual art classes outside of my film classes. I remember not knowing what I was doing at all but having so much fun doing it. I was so confused around the beginning of my senior year. Graduation was coming and I needed to make a decision about what I wanted to do with my future. It was like I had loved something for so long but I knew deep down I didn’t want it anymore. Then there was this new thing that I had fallen in love with but I didn’t know what to with that information. I remember having a conversation with the one person that knew me better than I knew myself, my mama. In a conversation over the phone from my apartment to her back home, she explained that maybe I could teach until I figured out what I wanted to do. She hyped up the fact that I’d get a bunch of breaks with summer being the most special one. I immediately scrunched my face in disgust! “A teacher?! How boring!” I thought to myself. It wasn’t special enough. I’d be just like everyone else. Looking back I think my desire to be a filmmaker had a lot to do with wanting to stand out and be creative. It was untraditional and that’s what I lived for. I immediately told her no.

Graduation came and I needed to buy myself some time. I stayed in my college town and worked as a door greeter for five months until I figured it out. Let’s not forget that I also cut all my hair off and was sleeping on an air mattress in an efficiency. I was going through some things when all I had to do was listen to my mom for the time being. My five months had come to an end and I still didn’t know what I wanted to do with myself. All I knew was what I didn’t want. I moved back home and took my moms advice and started substitute teaching to make some money. To my surprise, being in the classroom wasn’t AS bad as I had made it out to be in my mind. That’s when it came to me! “Why don’t you become an art teacher?” I thought I had just solved all of my issues and I had the solution to what to do with my life. If you remember though, I said I enjoyed art making but I never said I was any good. Damn, another problem!

I realized that if I wanted to do this and be good at it I needed some more instruction so I applied for graduate school for a Masters if Art in Art Education. I’ll tell the story of how grad school rocked my world another day lol. I finished within a year and a half and got my art teaching job two months post graduation. I was elated, I did it! I finally had figured out what I wanted to do with my life. I was safe and secure and I had a lot more confidence in my ability to teach someone else how to create.

I got a job in an inner city low income area where people didn’t really believe in our kids futures past high school. I did though, they were special and taught me so much. When people find out I quit teaching they always think it was the kids. Not at all. They were actually the reason I stayed as long as I did. I was the only art teacher on my campus so that made me the expert but that was always in question when it came to evaluations. Logically they never made sense to me. I understand making sure a brand new teacher understood the ins and outs but past that, I got this! How can we preach to the kids the importance of being and individual and all the differentiated learning when they expected teachers to teach the exact same. Just because I hated that part doesn’t mean that I didn’t excel. I was a really great art teacher and there were moments where I actually liked what I was doing but for the most part I was so unhappy. I felt that I had settled and taken the safe route. It felt like my life was passing me by and I wasn’t being true to myself. By year three I was completely over it but what were my other options? I didn’t have any so I did what any other person that wanted that guaranteed check would do, I stayed.

Another two years had passed and during the summer I had a talk with myself and made myself believe that this was all there was for me. Even though I had built very strong relationships with past and present students, my coworkers felt like family, I was the head volleyball coach with two district championships under my belt, and the “security” of it all, I still was not ok. Was I even ever supposed to stay this long? The time was literally passing me by and I knew one day I was going to look up and I’d be celebrating my 30 years and retirement. Still what else was there for me? I enjoyed making art with all my heart and writing but how could I make a career out of that? I didn’t know. So I stayed. Aside from my feelings I told myself that I was going to have a positive attitude and make this my best year yet. That was until my assistant principal walked in my classroom a couple of days before the kids returned to tell me that I’d have really large classes this year. My classroom seated 28 comfortably so I didn’t expect her to say more than 35. She told me 65 on average. I was too stunned to speak! One adult with 65 kids in a normal sized classroom? Yes, it happened. The first day came and she wasn’t lying. My largest class actually had 76 students. I took them to the auditorium and said play on your phones. I was over it. Eventually they leveled classes in NOVEMBER and my largest class was still 46. During this time I would cry on my way to work to my bestfriend about how I wanted better for myself but I didn’t know what or how. It was a really bad time for me.

By January I had done a lot of crying, conversing with friends, dwelling, contemplating, but most importantly talking to God. I gave it to Him and He confirmed to me that it was ok to leave. He gave me reassurance that the job was a resource not the source, He was. I couldn’t believe that I was actually going to go through with it but it was time. The first week of February I decided to let my administrators know that I was leaving the profession. They supported me 100% and it felt good. Telling my parents was funny because I was so afraid of what they’d think of me. Words like irresponsible and indecisive came to mind. To my surprise they also supported me 100%. Even if they didn’t I was too fed up to continue anyway. By March COVID happened and sent us all home for virtual learning for the remainder of the year. It was a crazy end to that journey. I felt at peace ultimately.

In conclusion, don’t take play it safe. You don’t have to have all the answers to leap. Just trust that God will guide you the rest of the way. A memory that stuck out in my head is how I would stand in front of my students telling them to follow their hearts and do the things in life that made them feel alive and brought them joy. When I realized I was being a hypocrite because I wasn’t practicing what I preached, I knew it was time do what needed to be done. I still don’t know how to categorize what I actually do for a living but I’m happier than I’ve ever been and I know you can’t buy this feeling. I would never trade it for the “security” of the safe route.